Recently, Jedda, a fellow Blaugustan, posted a sort-of mid-way check-in and reminder for herself and others in this challenge: "Blogging, Breaks, and Being Kind to Ourselves"

In it, they address the notion that it is taxing to try to do "31 posts in 31 days" and that it is totally okay to not hit the perfect milestone. And that it is more often than not better to be kinder to ourselves than what we are used to.

The end goal was never meant to be about perfection. It’s the process of finding your voice, sharing your stories, and maybe connecting with someone who needed to read exactly what you had to say that day.

I don't disagree. I have already written and published a lot of posts this month that I would not have otherwise. The pressure of this challenge has lowered a lot of self-doubt about whether a post can be published or not.

But, beyond all the above, there is another reason why I am doing this challenge and why I am targeting to write 31 posts this month. For context, the highest number of posts I have written in any calendar year is 25.

And the reason why I am targeting the highest tier is just to test myself on whether I can even do it or not. It is like a mental and discipline test for myself. Can I take on a complex non-trivial project and see it through, or have my discipline muscles atrophied enough that I would give up?

I once read something similar about a calculus professor, when asked by his students, "Why are we learning calculus? How will it help us in life?" He responded that while calculus can have many implications in engineering, the biggest benefit to them of learning calculus is that it shows them that they can learn and do difficult things.

So yes, I do feel that I am "behind" when I miss a day. But it only increases the urge to focus more energy on it the next day. Today is one such example. Never before in my life have I managed to write 4 blog posts in a single 24-hour window. It is only because, by the end of yesterday, I was 6 posts behind my schedule.

If I don't manage to reach 31 posts, I will not be cursing myself for failing. I have already hit a much higher throughput of my ideas than I would've otherwise. But I will look back and try to identify why I could not hit my target. And then next year I will come better prepared against those obstacles.

In the end, both feelings are valid: whether you want to achieve (your choice of) perfection or whether you want to have fun while putting words to pixels, what matters are your driving forces behind those feelings. Have fun, folks, and ask for discipline from yourself if you feel the need to.